Monday, August 1, 2011

The Latest Craze

Have you heard about the latest No Children Allowed craze?  This won't be a post about why stores should allow kids in them or why you are a horrible person for not wanting kids in places.  What this post is about is all the other things that should be banned by these obviously conscientious store and restaurant owners.

1. Women in low rise jeans wearing thongs.

2. Men with droopy drawers and their butt cracks hanging out.

3. Anyone with any kind of political, satirical, or offensive in any way t-shirt or hat.

4.  Anyone with any kind of gang colors on their clothing.  (we should all be forced to wear tan and white quite frankly)

5. Old people who are hard of hearing requiring everyone speaking to them to shout.

6. Men who are wearing socks with their sandals.

7. Men who are wearing white belts. (Do they do this because they can't see the brown or black ones?)

8.  Men in shorts with knee high socks.

9. Women in clothing so tight that it will pop off if she tries to sit down.

10.  Anyone speaking in a foreign language because how will we know if they are talking about us?

11. Assistance dogs, we could be allergic you know.

12.  People wearing strong perfume or cologne or who haven't showered in a week.

13. Cell phones.  Period.

14. Complainers.  Way to ruin my dinner with your outdoor voice when you complain about EVERY dish the server brings out.

15. Parties over 6.  Save some tables for the rest of us.

16.  All radio programs.  Because every station and genre has the capability of offending SOMEONE.

I would be willing to bet money there is some lawsuit somewhere about one of these things, if not several.

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