Saturday, February 27, 2010

Oh to be 2

Smile! Oh thats not a smile.  Try again. 

Ok thats better. 
  
Now I am serious. 
  
Get brother! I love you Brother...REALLY!
  
He got me ma! 
  
But I'm still cute. 

Friday, February 26, 2010

Hysterics

From Wiki, Female Hysteria's symptoms are described as:
Women considered to be suffering from it exhibited a wide array of symptoms including faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and "a tendency to cause trouble".
I have solved the problem.  I know what caused it.  I will bet good money it was caused by having sons.  Especially the Faintness, Nervousness, Irritability and Insomnia part.  Shortness of breath definitely, running around after all those hoodlums blessings.  Yup, it was all caused by having sons. I can prove it.  I have sons and I have Female Hysteria.  Oh yea, let me list the symptoms for you.

Faintness - When I discovered white flecks around my toddlers mouth, I at first wondered what he had eaten that had frosting on it.  I quickly went through the list of foods in the house in my head.  Maybe it was those frosted oatmeal bars or some of that Strussel my mom had brought over?  Nope, he answered the question for me as he toddled over to the window sill and started chewing away.  It was paint.  My son was eating paint.  Good thing its lead free.  I later found it in his diaper too, if there was any doubt that he was actually digesting it.  The Dh calls the toddler our paste eater, he'll eat everything.  I have to keep the bathroom doors shut at all times.  I'll let your imagination do the work there.

Nervousness -Usually this occurs when we are at the park but can happen in the home too.  Typically when one of the males decides to stand on something very high.  Like the top of the rock climbing wall at the park, where there is no where to go but down.  Who designed those things anyway? Did they not think that very scenario would happen?  Do they not have children of their own? 

Insomnia -I get this when the boys have friends over for the night.  Or when they took a nap at 4 in the afternoon.  Sometimes when they get a bug in their drawers and refuse to fall asleep. Rarely, but it still happens, when they are so bad I lay awake at night thinking, "Where did I go wrong?"

Shortness of Breath - You can imagine this.  I am sitting in my rocker nursing the baby and I hear my 5 yr old up stairs calling me oh so sweetly, "MOMMA.  MOMMA.  WHERE ARE YOU?!  ARGH."  So I run up the stairs carrying the baby still nursing and ask him what the problem is.  He tells me, "The keyboard won't work.  I can't get to Zoo Tycoon."  Ugh.  That couldn't have waited?  Repeat 5 times in 30 min with various boys.  And I wonder why I have varicose veins. 

Irritability - Does this need to be explained?  Who wouldn't be irritated when you have a boy swear up and down he showered, but he looks like he stuck his head in a Vaseline jar he is so shiny.  Or when your son kicks a path in the rocks in your front yard for a "river".  Or when your 2 yr old slides across the floor of costco, come ups all black, then smears snot across his face.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Mommys and Daddys do Stupid Stuff Too

Somehow, mysterious as these things always are,  an outlet cover got broken.  Not just any outlet cover,  apparently a cover to a hole in the wall.  It doesn't take long for a 2 yr old to find a hole in the wall and take advantage of it. So the Dh had to take care of that pronto. But first he had to fish the stuff out that ds threw down the hole.  First he tried with a screw driver.  Why I don't know.  There is no hook.  It is not magnetic.  I told him he better be careful of he will drop his screw driver down there too.  My daughter offered up an "L" shaped bar from our old sofa.  Yes, that would work.  I heard a sound, he had something.  Ah, fishing for toys in a wall, always fun.  "Did you find a car?"  I asked him.  "No, I need to get my screw driver out of there first."  He said rather sheepishly.  Hmmm.  Yup, I am sure that was hard for him  to admit.  In the end we got 1 car and 1 block.  He left the rest.  Some years from now when someone remodels; the show "If walls could talk" will be here recording and they can speculate how those things got in there.  I am sure it will be a far grander story than "My boy was bad and threw stuff in a hole in the wall".

And yes, I too can be the fool.  The other night, at midnight, I started talking in my sleep.  I smacked the Dh and told him I forgot to do something with the kids.  And I had to do it at midnight.  I must have been half awake to know what time it was or I have one heck of an internal clock.  I woke up long enough to realize what I was doing and murmur "never mind I will do it in the morning."  Just to make it look like I knew what I was talking about.  I don't have a clue honestly.  Something in my dream I am sure.  This happened at a bad time.  Just the day before I was complaining to my mother how the Dh talks in his sleep and wakes ME up.  Instead of feeling bad that the Dh has no control over it I told him, "See, now you know how I feel!"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Picture of the Day - Ah where'd the head go?

Ah where'd the head go?

Oh there it is!
I found this on the floor and thought the poor bird had lost its head.  It wasn't until I went to show it to the Dh that I turned it around a little and realized it in fact did have a head.  I was just looking at it wrong.  Thats my blonde moment for the week.  No offense to blondes or anything. 

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Meet Mary Annette

My kids have funny toys.  Most were not meant to be toys at all.  My mixing spoons that my oldest son uses as wolverine claws, my Christmas gift box that my 5 yr old uses to store his army men in, the pillow case that my oldest used as a lovey and now Mary Annette.

I got Mary Annette when I was 9.  I really wanted the purple doll on the moon,  but Mary was cheaper.  I didn't like pink but the dress was so soft and silky.  The year after I got her we moved and wouldn't you know it but my new room had hot pink carpet and rose wall paper.  Matched perfectly.  Then years later when I had my own daughters we moved into a house with pink walls.  Every wall was pink.  Again matched perfectly.  So I was glad I got Mary instead of the purple doll.

Of course when I bought Mary she had no name.  In fact she had no name till a few weeks ago.  Not until my 2 yr old got a hold of her.  One day I found him crying, asking for "Maynet".  Took me awhile and asking several kids before my oldest ds said my 2 yr old wanted "That doll on the strings."  Ahhh, Marionette.  Hes been watching a bit too much of the Upside Down Show I guess.  He has played with Mary so much her strings came loose and I had to sew her up again.  He was quite distraught till I fixed her up.

Meet Mary:
Yup, my 2 yr olds favorite toy. Go figure.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Monetary Monday - Allowance

Its pretty common to give your kids allowances.  Usually for chores they do around the house.  Get them used to the idea of only getting money if you actually work.  Its a great concept to teach young children how to save, budget, work hard and above all not think they are entitled to everything.  However when you don't have a job per se what then?  You can't spend what you don't make.  If your children dream of growing up to be a stay at home parent how does allowance fit into that equation?

I actually get an allowance.  The Dh does not.  Not that he has free reign to spend money.  Actually the opposite.  He knows he not allowed to spend anything except for lunch and the occasional lottery ticket when the powerball gets over 100 million.  Its an office pool.  And thats not because I am a mean wife.  Its because he realizes he has no self control.  I however have too much self control.  I never buy myself anything.  I just bought socks for the first time in 10 years.  There are, however, a few things I enjoy spending money on.  Like shopping at Kohls and getting Starbucks and reading books; so I have an allowance.  I have a prepaid starbucks card that gets refilled once a mos; $15 a mos for coffee.  I do jobs at mturk.com till I have enough to buy myself a book on Amazon.  I can go spend $40 a mos at Kohls, which if you know Kohls, you know how far that goes.

This works for me in 2 ways.  First, we stay on budget.  There is no, "How much did you spend?"  conversations that I know some women just love having with their spouses.    Second, this makes sure I actually get out of the house and do something.  I know I am gonna go relax and enjoy myself.  When the only time you get out is clothes shopping and coffee, this is a very big deal. 

Allowance: good for kids, good for parents.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

New Creation Give Away

Want a chance to win a new skirt?  A pretty skirt?  I thought so.  Head on over to Life in a Shoe to check out how you can win.

I want this one: 


Although this one is so cute, but me in pink?  I would have to buy a shirt just to match.

Picture of the Day: Blue Tooth

This was a sticky piece of Styrofoam that ds found.  He stuck it to the side of his head and walked around pretending to talk into it.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Round 2 - The thing that lived in the sofa

If you didn't catch it the first time around, I had things living in my sofa.  Books, pens, toothbrushes. It was not a pretty sight.  The sofa or the stuff I pulled out of it.  It was time for a new one.  I had been diligently looking on craigslist, thrift stores, sides of the road but nothing was happening.  Alot of emails and calls yet nothing was sitting in my loft. Either the seller admitted to withholding info about the sofa having damage, the seller never returned my email, gave me the run around or it was gone before I emailed them.  Finally we found a sofa that met our criteria: cushions did not come off, did not have holes, and was something I could easily clean.  And it was $30.  Its white leather, not exactly the color I wanted but I guess you can't have everything.  It really needs to be cleaned but my kids will make it messy anyway.  And it was at a thrift store we were already at, no running around to see things.

We get the sofa home and have to dismantle the old one.  We don't have the time to take it to the dump so the Dh tore it apart.   Inside we found 4 socks and a drivers license that expired in 1999.  It was neither the Dhs or Mine.  A nice bonus, the sofa is too low for sippy cups to roll under it!  Which is especially nice since I found a rotten one when we moved the old sofa.

Here it is in all its used glory: My sofa

Now you can all rest well at night knowing I have a new sofa.  I know it was keeping you up. 

Thursday, February 18, 2010

History for all of Us

We like history.  If you hadn't noticed.  Once we recovered from our heart attack,s from driving up to Jerome, we did some sight seeing. We went into the History Museum there, if there is a history museum to be found, we find it.  While you might think there was a lot of mining memorobilia in the museum most of it actually was just day to day life stuff.  Sherriff badges, a gun, prom pass for the local high school, arrest warrants, a lettermans jacket.  There was a gurney for the mines and it was on springs.  I guess so the bouncing didn't hurt the patients further.   I thought it so sad that this one vibrant town is now a tourist trap.  Granted its hanging off the side of a cliff but once it was someones home town.  The place they visited when they came home for the holidays.  Where all their memories were made.  I think back to my hometown and I know I would be more than sad if it went the way of Jerome.  When we were passing by a store I saw a shirt that read "I survived route 89A." I told the Dh he should get that. 

After we left there ( and after playing in the snow) we went to the Pioneer History Museum in Flagstaff.  The museum used to be a hospital.  Here is the drs office, which made me glad to live when I do.  The kids were a little freaked out by the thought that people once died there. 




 
This is an actual iron lung.  Looking at this made me very sad for the people, especially the children, who had to endure it.  

This is the nurses room, which has been left untouched.  Nurses lived in the hospital since it was rural and bad weather could prohibit someone from coming up to the hospital.  If we think its sucks to bring work home now, imagine what that was like.  Your work surrounded you. 
A giant saw blade behind my boys.  I can see how that would make logging easier.  
My son being a telephone operator. 

I wish they were this attentive at home during school. I was a bit offended these desks were in a museum.  I used desks like that in school.  Does that mean I am old?

Kids in front of the train, but they were way more interested in the snow.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Playing in the Snow

It doesn't snow here.  Lots of people, from all over the world, move here for that very reason.  We however, like the snow.  So we have to drive, along with 2 million other Phoenicians, 2 hours to get to play in it.  Being the awful frugal mother I am, I can't drive 2 hours JUST to play in the snow.  We have to do something educational while we are there.  I will post about that tomorrow.  

First we went to Jerome, the largest Ghost Town in America.  I will quote the Dh, "People are INSANE to live up there."  If you go I do not recommend you go in a 15 passenger van.  A small car will hug the curves that have you dangling hundreds of feet above the sheer cliffs below.  There is a reason there are still rusted out cars in the ravens.  Who is gonna try to fish them out?  Let them rot! I had been there years ago and was not bothered by the cliffs.  It kind of reminds me of Pittsburgh.  However, back when, I did not drive.  Nor did I have to sit in the front seat of a 15 passenger van that is as big as the road with cars coming down the other side.


From there we drove through Sedona and into Flagstaff.   It was like going up to Jerome, over and over again.  We had both been up that road before and the Dh kept saying, "I didn't remember the road being like THIS."  But soon enough we were in snow.  We stopped to play in some at a vista.  It was rather comical, on the way home the dh remarked, "We never did go see the view from the vista."  ooops!  We were too caught up in the snow.  This is us in Oak Creek Canyon:






I do not have my photo editing software on this computer yet so I apologize for my picture.  Normally, I would dr it up so I don't look so horrible.  We did go into Flagstaff and played in the snow there too.  My 2 yr old and 4 yr old, skiny as they are, were out in the snow, soaked to the bone, turning red and still did not want to quit.  I always find it amusing when we are in the snow, feet of snow, but its warm enough to wear t-shirts. It was very deep in the drifts.  The Dh took a misstep and sunk to the hip in the snow.  He ended up having to dig his shoe out.  At least it was very well packed for the most part.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Boys and Girls: The Sleep Over

Having hosted 3 kids in a weeks time I can safely say there is a huge difference between girls and boys sleeping over. 

The Girls Activities included:

Putting together a puzzle.
Making Cookies.
And watching a movie with some popcorn.


The Boys Activities included:
Piling pillows on the floor and doing flips off the sofa into them.
Licking armpits and describing the taste.
And rolling socks into balls and using it as ammunition in a war.

The noise level alone of the boys sleep over was enough to make me swear off boy sleep overs.  Not to mention boys don't sleep.  It should be called a Destruction Over or a Lets-Keep-Mom-Up-All-Night Over. I do love my boys and when they are grown they are so handy to have around.  I wouldn't be typing on this right now if it weren't for my brothers. 

Right now I am weighing the "Girls going through puberty again in another 13 years" to the "Boys and their sleep overs for the next 18 years".  Not sure if one is worse than the other.  I guess its a good thing I let God decide this things for me. 

Monday, February 15, 2010

If you need a reminder

The next time you feel you aren't good enough for God just remember:
         *   Noah  was a drunk
         *   Abraham  was too old
         *   Isaac  was a daydreamer
         *   Jacob  was a liar
         *   Leah  was ugly
         *   Joseph  was abused
         *   Moses  had a stuttering problem
         *   Gideon was afraid
         *   Sampson had long hair and was a  womanizer
         *   Rahab  was a prostitute
         *   Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
         *   David had an affair and was a murderer
         *   Elijah was suicidal
         *   Isaiah preached naked
         *   Jonah ran from God
         *   Naomi  was a widow
         *   Job went bankrupt
         *   John the Baptist ate bugs
         *   Peter denied Christ
         *   The Disciples fell asleep while praying
         *   Martha worried about everything
         *   The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
         *   Zaccheus was too small
         *   Paul was too religious
         *   Timothy had an ulcer
         *   Lazarus was dead!


I got this in an email and thought I would share it.  Sometimes we need a reminder.  

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Things rarely go as planned

We should know better.  Making grandiose plans rarely works out.  We had this weekend all planned out.  The Dh took a day off work so we could accomplish everything we wanted to do.  So far everything has taken twice as long to do as we planned and now I am on a time constraint to finish what we didn't get done.

Friday - We were going to the zoo.  We had one of the girls friends come along because she is leaving town on Sunday.  At the zoo the girls wanted to go do their own thing.  They had money and a phone and wanted to spend some time alone.  So I let them.  So for the next 2 hours all I heard from the 2 oldest boys was how it wasn't fair they couldn't go around alone.  Never mind that they are 7 and 9.  Finally I just sat down on a bench while the Dh went with the little boys.  The 2 oldest boys sat there with me.  Till they got bored enough to behave.  Its a great weapon in a parents arsenal.  And no, I wasn't sitting because I was tired.  Really. 

Then my girls decided to spend the night at their friends house.  Well the boys didn't like that AGAIN.  So I took them to grandmas house for the night.  A 20 mile trip I was not planning on taking. But, on the way home I went to the store to find a computer I saw online.  Which they didn't have.  Ok they had the computer and no monitor.  We called 2 different stores to find the whole system.  One store, near where the boys happened to be spending the night, had the whole system.  But they were closed.  So they were holding it for us the next day. My poor computer was so old and decrepit, even the dh, who is a computer geek, could not keep this thing running.  I was afraid to turn it off because it might not turn on again. In fact the monitor no longer worked on its own, I had to have a desk fan to cool it down or it shuts itself off.  You can see how a computer with no monitor wouldn't help me much.

Saturday - We went to bed late Friday night errr I guess early Saturday morning.  I was up at 7 as usual but my 2 yr old slept in till 10.  So we were already behind for the day.  I had to pick up some homeopathics and my boys.  Then we went to a thrift store to pick up a few things we needed.  Sorry, but I am not buying new and paying through the nose, for a pair of shoes my kid will out grow in 2 months.  Finally it was time to pick up the computer.  We could not find this store.  Whoever had the idea of massive strip malls should be made to live near and work at said mall.  Terrible idea.  It took us 10 minutes just to drive through this strip mall parking lot.  We finally got my computer and headed back home.  Only to realize now the Dh was going to be late for work.  I had to go home and still make dinner, get the girls, do some laundry and the dishes.  The Dh comes home 2 hours late from work and my computer still sits in the box.

Sunday - Up way early to help a friend move. It was very odd being up before everyone else in the house.  Normally the Dh is up and made coffee before 6.  We are helping with the move for 2 hours and say our goodbyes.  My mother handed me $20 kohls cash that HAD to be spent today.  I was not planning on going into a store.  I looked a mess, hello we just helped people move.  But it was on the way home, and after we did some laundry at the laundromat.  While we were at the laundromat we went to a thrift store and found a $30 sofa.  To replace THAT sofa.  You know the one.  Well now I need to call my brother and pick him up so he can help us move this sofa upstairs.  What I didn't know, and he didn't tell me, was that his inlaws are visiting and he was in the middle of dinner!  Geez, now I look like the bad guy.  We get the sofa in place, take my brother home, and once again have clean bedding so I can remake beds and now I am on a time limit for getting everything ELSE done before tomorrow morning.  I only need to fold 4 loads of clothes, do the dishes, make lunch for tomorrow, bath the little boys, and oh yea write a blog post so people don't think I fell off the face of the earth. Whilst trying to tackle the laundry problem the baby pooped all over his crib.  So now I had more laundry to do.  Then my father shows up dropping off my brother for overnight.  Another of my brothers tagged along and decided to set up my computer for me.  Now I have to download all my applications, move my bookmarks and files while I am making dinner, feeding the baby, doing the dishes and keeping my dad company who appears very bored.  Poor man, all the kids deserted him to play with their friends.

Nothing has gone as planned.  But I did get a lot done. Just not when I planned on. I guess that can be considered a success? Yes?  I will have a separate post detailing our new (to us) sofa.  Another story in itself.  Another post on the differences in having girls spend the night vs. having boys spend the night (oh and are there plenty) is also in the works. And if I have time I might even tell you about the trip we are taking up north to play in the snow.  The kids better really like it, to pull me away from my new computer!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

If you ever wonder

If you ever wonder why I will post something that contains a couple different funnies from my kids and not a whole thought out written post its probably because I am super tired.  I think the baby is teething.  He was up every 20 minutes last night wanting to nurse.  I am so tired I almost feel asleep when I blinked.   Since I can't actually form a complete thought I will spare you the mumble jumbled post you'd have to decipher.  Here you go instead.

Lacking sufficient material to write, I asked the Dh what he would write about.  I don't advise asking your spouse what they would write about.  Its kinda like asking, "What are you thinking about right now?" He told me, "Flatulence.  And Mafia Wars and Linux."   So aren't you glad I am running the show? To be fair, I do talk a lot about vomit and poop.  But I spare you the facebook app talk.

My 4 yr old asked me today, "When you grow up, what are you going to be?"  I wanted to clarify if he meant I did nothing worth noting or I was young and not grown up yet, I asked him:  "Do you think momma hasn't grown up yet?"  He doesn't.  I hope he means I don't look like I have grown up yet not that I act like a child. 

While buying groceries I realized I had forgotten to put on make-up today.  I asked my 9 yr old ds if I looked okay without it, he said, "I didn't even know you wore make-up."  He is my new favorite person.  Well right after my sil who told me I looked like a 16 yr old girl.  The guy at JC Penney who was trying to sell me a sofa and asked if my mother was my sister?  Lets just say he won't be getting a commission. 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Why I Can't Sleep

For all you pregnant ladies out there falling asleep while showering or cooking, do me a favor - catch a few zzzz's for me too.  Please.  Someone has to.

I do so good for awhile then I am back to not being able to fall asleep.  It might be the annoying blog post I read before bed, that has now got me ranting in my head for the last hour.  Or it could be the Grande Cafe Mocha I had while out getting retail therapy with my mother.  Its probably the fact that the Dh is once again at work in the middle of the night caressing his server instead of his wife.

But, It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the worry I have about the load of clothes I washed and forgot to move over.  Will they smell in the morning?  Will a rinse make it better?  Am I gonna have to rewash that whole load?  Ugh its gonna mess my schedule up.  I should get up right now to move it over.  No, then the kids will wake up from the noise.  I should leave it till the morning. 

It couldn't be the itching on my legs from having forgotten to shave in a week.  I should put on pants.  No, that won't help, I will still itch.  I should go shave.  No, I'm too tired.  Am I tired?  Well, I will be as soon as I get in there to shave.  Ugh, just think about something else to take your mind of the itchies.

It wouldn't be that load of dishes sitting the in dish washer since dinner time.  Did I start that load?  I think I did, but I don't remember using dish detergent. I better have used dish detergent or I will have to rewash the whole load.  I don't think I started it.  Maybe the Dh started it.  I should wake him up and ask him. 

And it really really wouldn't be the blog post that wasn't.  I have nothing to blog about tomorrow.  I hope the kids do something funny.  I hope I remember to write about it if they do do something funny.  Did they say something funny today?  There was something about Teletubbies and Dust Devils.  I might want to check the back yard in the morning.  I hope I don't fall asleep thinking about Teletubbies and dust devils that would be a wierd dream.  But it would make a great blog post.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Pork and Beans

I am so glad I am a woman.  If there was a chance I could loose my genitalia by zipping my privates in my pants I would never ever wear pants again.  Men don't have a choice.  Unless they want to wear button flies for the rest of their lives.

My 5 yr old had the terrible habit of not wearing underwear.  Aside from daily undie inspection I couldn't really force the issue.  I would just discover it when I did his laundry.  Or rather I would not discover them.  That all changed recently with a little episode right out of Hollywood, specifically There's Something About Mary. 

He was wearing pants that were a weeeee bit too tight.  When he couldn't get his pants zipped up he asked me to help him.  Each time I got it half way up he would bend in half and pull away from me.  I finally figured out he was trying to protect the family jewels.  So I called the Dh in to figure out how to zip him up without damaging anything.  Upon finding us in the situation the Dh had to explain to my 5 yr old how he could zip his parts right off if he weren't careful.  Then in a quick zip his pants were up and the Dh let out a gasp.

No, he didn't zip up anything.  He was just messing around.  But it proved a point to our 5 yr old, who now has been diligently wearing underwear ever since.  All it took was a little story about Pork and Beans...and a gasp.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Monetary Monday - Debt

Somewhere along the way it became acceptable to be in debt.  Credit Cards, car loans, mortgages are perfectly acceptable today.  In fact our credit rating system is set up on debt.  No debt = bad credit.  Paying off credit cards = bad credit.  How did it become acceptable to be in debt?  Now, I am not saying there aren't valid reasons to be in debt.  Medical or Legal emergencies for instance.  Even the best insurance can leave people in debt in a medical emergency (did you know that the majority of medically bankrupt had insurance?) But for most people credit cards, car loans and yes even mortgages are excuses.  They are excuses for not saving, they are excuses for "finding a great deal", for "this won't last forever", its just to"get us over this hump."  That's how we got into debt.

Today we paid off our van and our car.  Yea! right?  I would probably be celebrating more if it weren't over shadowed by the fact we have now paid for this car twice.  Yes, TWICE. We took out a loan on it to "get us over this hump" back when dh had no job and we needed money to live.  Sounds like a great excuse right?  No, bad excuse.  Bad bad bad.  Nothing is worse than being in debt and having no job.  Pretty soon you will have no job and no car.  Now the car and van are ours once again.   And we learned from our mistakes.  Hopefully you can learn from ours and save yourself the same headaches.  The end result is the same, but we would have come out of it with less headache and more money had we not gotten into debt. 

Sunday, February 7, 2010

How to buy a sofa on Craigslist

We use Craigslist for lots of things.  Have found amazing deals and made some quick cash.  However you need to know how to read the ads because things are not always what they seem. Political Spin pales in comparison to selling spin.

1. If the ad says "Like New"  that means: I have had this sofa for 10 years but 10 years is NOTHING.  10 years is like a drop in the antique bucket.  There are still sofas around from 200 years ago.  This sofa is a contender for a museum. (Yea a museum of worlds ugliest furniture.)

2.  "Good condition" means: Someone died on this sofa and there is a blood pool the size of Rhode Island on it but the rest of the sofa is great.  Just throw a blanket on that side.  Its all good. 

3. "Contemporary" means: I bought this in the early 80's convinced that Lime Green and Purple geometric prints would never go out of style. 

4. "Unique" means: You ain't seen nothing like this! Its shaped in such a way you can't actually sit on it and the color is so loud it will blind you. However it will distract people from your stained carpets and  sheets for curtains.

5. "Minor Damage, Easy Repair" actually means: There's no upholstery on 2 of the cushions but its really easy to just have it reupholstered.  I'm not paying for it, but you can!

6. "New, never used" is really: I bought this from some guy on the side of the road sure that I could turn around and make a profit.  Despite the fact that you can buy it new for less than I paid for it on the side of the road.

7. "Antique" really means: At one time this was a sofa.  Its older than old mother hubbard so I am gonna list it higher than that Mercedes I have had my eye on.  The wood itself has got to be from trees that date back to Jesus' time.  That's worth something, right?

Friday, February 5, 2010

Groan

My 4 yr old asked me yesterday "When we die, is it forever or can we come back?"  I think he has plans.


When my 2 yr old wanted yogurt I asked him what kind he wanted.  He told me, "The yummy kind."  Well that narrowed it down for me. 

My coffee maker broke Wednesday, the pump just up and stopped working.  I don't do well without coffee.  Imagine a drunk slug, that's what I resemble without coffee. I got desperate and poured hot water through the filter, in essence straining coffee.  Yes, I drank it that way.  I did mention I was desperate.  Not willing to live another day with me in the drunk slug state, the Dh bought a coffee maker at Walmart.  I hate it but I needed coffee.  In keeping with our ever perfect timing, thursday in the mail I get a free sample of instant coffee.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

About Tales From the Quiver

Hi all.  I hope you are enjoying yourselves.  I wanted take a minute to explain a few things about this blog, in an attempt to make everyone feel more at home.

First the comments.  I have it on moderation because apparently I have made it to the big time and people seem to think they can make some money spamming here.  This is not to censor my readers.  Its to keep the spammers at bay.  I apologize for the extra step that I know is required. 

Next - the opinion boxes at the bottom of each post.  You can click on if you think its cool, interesting or funny.  This allows to me see what kind of subjects you would like me to share.  They should have a box for "Disgusting - never ever post anything like this ever again"  but it probably would only get used on this blog.

My ads.  If you notice I only have one ad and its for Book Closeouts.  I am an affiliate.  I don't generate any money from this blog.  I started blogging 2.5 years ago (back on myspace) because my kids did a lot of funny things that I wanted to share.  And It allowed me to record them for future bribes reference. I have since taken it public because I wanted to show people we aren't some weird freaks.  We are normal freaks, like the rest of you.  I do include my ehow articles at the bottom of the blog.  I do generate money from those.  So if ever you need to know how to remove permanent marker from your furniture or how to prepare yourself for sick kids ya'll know I'm an expert and should read them.

The Design.  I am working on getting a prettier design.  It could take me 6 mos so don't hold your breath.  But if you come back here and it looks funny, its just me messing around.  Take no notice of the person behind the curtain.  Either that or my kids got a hold of blogger.

Alrighty then - back to your regularly scheduled quiver.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Fun with the Self Timer

My boys asked me the other day if they could borrow my camera, so they could make videos.  I guess they discovered the self timer instead.

 
Here he is pretending to be a giant about ready to smoosh a car. He turned on the tv cause he wanted the glow from it.  I see film maker in his future.  


Here he tried to get a picture with his little brother.  I think he forgot the flash. 

Ah a decent picture. 

 

I think they are blowing us kisses. 



Ok, yea this is the real them. 


  

Little brother wanted in on the action. 



You can be jealous.  I know they are cute. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Its an all out nasal assault!

My nose can't handle much more.  And oh am I glad I am not pg!  My 5 yr old had Fish Steaks in Mustard Sauce for dinner last night.  Which he threw up all over his bed.  Why is it always the bed?  Why we do throw up when we sleep?  I do not understand this phenomenon.  I was actually surprised that the room didn't smell worse.  I couldn't smell it at all.  I was relieved.  Till I washed and dried the sheets.

When I stuck my head in the dryer to retrieve the sheets I got a whiff of cooked, vomited fish steaks.  I even rinsed, washed on hot with sports wash. After I caught a wiff of it I washed it again, it still smelled.  So I am soaking it in my bath tub with some borax - now my bathroom smells!   Oh its too much just too much this week.  I am about ready to hang a car air freshener from my nose and slap a mask on over it.  I swear, if I have to smell another thing like that I might just loose my own lunch!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Monetary Monday - Taxes

Contrary to popular belief families with lots of kids do pay taxes.  People assume since you get a deduction for each child, and therefore a supposed refund, that we must not pay taxes.  It couldn't be further from the truth.  We pay a lot in taxes, probably  more than your average size family.  Simply because the more people you need to feed, cloth, house, educate, etc the more money you spend.  While it might not be federal taxes, the local and state authorities are making out like bandits.

Actually when we were self employed we didn't get a federal or state refund for 5 years.  If the government wants to do anything to stimulate the economy they should cut the taxes on self employed persons.  Seriously, its nuts how much money we were paying in taxes every year and we weren't making 6 figures or anything.  That's on top of property taxes for a huge house, special taxes on our van because of its size (we get charged double.  First for the class - its a commercial size van and again for the weight), taxes on food (sadly some places charge taxes on food), taxes on clothes, taxes on school supplies (we don't even get the benefit of the taxes we pay into the public school system), taxes on the 2 hotel rooms we need when we go somewhere, taxes on all our utilities, taxes on every breath we breath practically. 

Yes, we pay taxes.  But this year we get a refund, from federal, of which we have to pay state.  We owe state some $500 something.  I am excited, I can finally buy a new couch.  Now I have to find a good quality black leather/pleather/faux thing.