Monday, August 10, 2009

Nursing , pg and the QF mom

This is one area I have really struggled with when it came to giving my reproduction over to the Lord. I have gotten pg while nursing every single time except with my first, of course. When I got pg with my 2nd my first was only 5 mos old. I fully expected to nurse her through the pg and tandem them. Like so many things other things, life has its own plans. My milk dried up when she was 7 mos old. Of course she was too young to wean so I had to give her a bottle. Oh the heartbreak. I went from never wanting to nurse to never wanting it to end. I dreamt about nursing her till my 2nd was born. I still today remember the last time I nursed my first.

I learned a lot during the few months between weaning her and the birth of her sister. I understood how mothers felt when others asked questions about why they didn't/couldn't breastfeed. I learned you could do everything right during ecological breastfeeding and still get your fertility back right away. I found out the hard way pg and bfing don't always go well together.

Children 2-6 all nursed at least 12 mos, but none longer than 18. I really wanted to make it to 2 years. I knew the benefits to myself and my children. All but 1 weaned themselves when my milk dried up. Yet, knowing it was their decision never made it easier. It was still a heartbreak. And instead of nursing each one longer the time each nursed got shorter. I was beginning to loose hope I would ever nurse to 2 years.

Be careful what you wish for you might just get it. #7 pinched, stood, squeezed, slapped, pulled, rolled, tried to walk away with and was just overly the most annoying painful nursling you could ever imagine. I had bruises all over my breasts on a regular basis. If there was any child to wean it would have been him. But he would not take no for an answer. Hes an intense child, fiercely devoted and slightly obsessive. Of course it would be him I would nurse for 2 years. And beyond.

Yes, the Lord had given me my hearts desire. Not only had I nursed him 2 years. I also am tandem nursing. Had I known how difficult it would be before doing so, I would have pressured him to wean earlier. So I guess its a good thing I didn't know. Its ironic how we think we know what we want, what we need. We pray and don't get it. We wonder why the Lord is denying our requests. Sometimes he is saving us from ourselves. I know I couldn't have handled nursing 2 10 years ago. Not with those kids, not in those circumstances. Nursing 2 is incredibly draining, physically as well as mentally. I needed to know what I was made of before I could do it. I have nursed kids with a weak suck and tongue tie and with over supply. I've nursed through clogged ducts and mastitis. But nursing a 2 year old has by far been the most challenging.

It was difficult to trust God during those years. I questioned how it could be good for me or the babies (both inutero and nursing) to go through this. I questioned God's timing. Now years down the road I can see the wisdom. You just never know whats going to happen. You want what you don't need and think you need what you don't have.

I will keep nursing till my little one weans, both of them. It certainly has taught me a lot. I look forward to the lessons each nursing day brings.

1 comment:

  1. Oh wow! I had to wipe the tears away. (so funny!) I have a little one, baby #8 who is just like that-- with the pinching, splapping, turning this way that, not to mention biting!

    It was nice to know I am not alone, there she is nursing alone heh heh. Her brother pretty much weaned himself halway through the pregnance. I always wondered what it was like to tandem nurse. ;)